作文觀摩 - A Student's Composition

Saying “Thank you” and “I’m sorry”
Saying “Thank you” and “I’m sorry” frequently will make you a happier person.
It is true that you say sorry and thank you as much as you can make your life much happier. If you said sorry when you are wrong to others it might decrease arguments. On the other hand if you say thank you frequently you will feel that everything is fine. For example when I was young I had a little of friends it because that I seldom said those word. But when I grew up I found that those word could make my life much happier and make a lot of friend. So I will say that during my life to make my life more colorful.
(以上為學生之原作品)


(以下為美國老師修改後之文章－黃色部分為訂正處)

Saying “Thank you” and “I’m sorry”
Saying “thank you” and “I’m sorry” frequently will make you a happier person.
It is true that you should say sorry and thank you as much as you can to make your life much happier. If you say sorry when you are wrong to others it might decrease arguments. On the other hand, if you say thank you frequently you will feel that everything is fine. For example, when I was young I had few friends because I seldom said those words. But when I grew up I found that those words could make my life much happier and help me to make a lot of friends. So I will say these words during my life to make my life more colorful.

Comments: (美國老師之講評)
Thank you for passing along a lovely message. There are just a couple of things that can be changed to improve the English in your composition. Remember that the word “those” and “these” modify nouns in the plural form, as in “those words” or “these ideas.” Also, remember to use punctuation marks such as commas to add pauses in your sentences and avoid run-on sentences.

附註: 此篇文章原作者是本班一位高中生。原文長126個字，文意表達清楚而且切題，應可得到不錯的分數。唯需注意美國老師修正之處，特別是「標點符號」和「單、複數」以及「動詞時態」的正確用法。